FLEEING THE FLAMES OF DESTRUCTION

 

I’M lucky to be alive. I’ve just got back from Marbella where I have a holiday home – and thank God I flew back here just as the fires started.

I was packing up my stuff when I looked up at the Mijas mountains and saw smoke coming from them. It looked like the fire was heading our way but luckily the wind changed directions and the flames spread to Marbella instead. Our villa is in La Cala, which is just outside but I could see the fire raging from my gate, and you can see from the photos how close it was – it was just terrifying. Some of my friends live closer to the mountains and their homes have been burnt to the ground. They’ve lost everything. It’s just devastating.

Horrendous

In a way I’m glad I flew home just as the fire started as it would have been horrendous lying in bed waiting for the fire to hit us. Thankfully it didn’t and my cleaner says that other than a bit of soot, our place is fine. The other thing that really upset me was that the local rescue centre had to beg people to come and look after their animals. They have 150 dogs there and 200 cats but they couldn’t leave them in their pens because the fire was heading towards them. It was so sad. One of the cats had all his fur burned off and it totally broke my heart. I don’t know what has happened to the rest of them but I hope a kind hearted vet has stepped in to stop them suffering any more. And a poor man burned to death in his shed too. It’s just terrible.

Whoever is responsible for this disgusting crime needs to be punished. They should let them burn.

I’M really proud of David Weir in the Paralympics getting his Gold medal. We grew up on the same estate in London, the Roundshaw Estate, and he’s a year younger than me. He’s a great lad and I’m so pleased he got gold in the 5,000 metres. What an amazing achievement.

I’M annoyed that Khloe Evans (left) won The Bachelor. I think it’s totally out of order because she only took part to get famous. There was a story in the paper a few weeks ago about her snogging some fella in a club in London so it was obvious before the final that she wasn’t still with Spencer Matthews. The other girl seemed to genuinely like Spencer as well and missed out on the chance of being with him which is a shame. I think most of the time, these girls use talent shows to get famous and they don’t want the prize. But to be honest, I wouldn’t want Spencer either. He’s a right knobhead!

I’VE taken up Zumba and Yoga to keep fit. I like Zumba. It’s a laugh and you don’t really feel like you’re doing exercise but the Yoga is a bit boring. I mean I’m double jointed anyway so I’m really stretchy and bendy. I don’t feel like I’m doing a great lot. But it is supposed to be good for you mentally and very calming too, so I think I’ll keep it up!

I SAW the most astonishing thing ever on my webcam the other night – a man sucking himself off! Now I didn’t believe that someone could actually do that but believe me he did. He put his legs behind his shoulders and gave himself a blow job. He asked me if he should spit or swallow so I told him he needed to swallow. And he did. Every last drop! I was well impressed! I think these guys come on to me because they want to shock me, but I’ve seen it all. I’m totally unshockable.

TOWIE star Lauren Pope (right) is suing the News of the World for hacking her phone and finding out about Prince Harry and her having a bit of a thing. I like Lauren. We met in Marbella this summer and she was lovely. I think if she was hacked then I definitely was. In the 1990s there were always stories in the News of the World about me getting up to various mischiefs and I used to be tearing my hair out wondering how they knew. Now it seems pretty obvious. I’ve called the cops to see if I’ve been hacked and I’m still waiting to hear back but if I have I’ll definitely be suing the arses off them.

I’VE decided I want to go on the next Celebrity Big Brother. It does my head in watching drippy glamour girls like Rhian Sugden (left) simpering around being pathetic and taking s*** of people for getting their boobs out. I was screaming at the telly when Jasmine Lennard was yelling at her and pointing in her face. I like Rhian, she seems like a lovely girl, but she needs to stand up for herself more. Jodie Marsh was the same. She was bullied by Pete Burns. I tell you, if I was in there and someone spoke to me like that I would rip their head off. To be honest I’m even thinking of going for anger management lessons because I am pretty lairy and I think if someone really did p*** me off I would batter them! That wouldn’t be good!

 

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Written by Sunday Sport

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