ALEX: Have you ever had anything cringeworthy happen during sex?
BECCY: Er, yeah – loads of times! Oh jeez. There was this one time I once got dressed up in a sexy nurse’s outfit. I filled my boyfriend’s room with candles and let myself in and was expecting him back any time. I lay on the bed with white stockings and suspenders on and brandishing a vibrator. Anyway, he came back all right – with his dad! I had to quickly get changed, blow out the candles then just died of embarrassment.
ALEX: Yikes! That’s a bit bad. I once peed myself when I orgasmed. I don’t know how it happened, but we were lying on the bed and he was on top. I started coming and then at the point when I orgasmed all this warm liquid came out. At first I thought I’d had a really strong orgasm, then I realised it was wee. We laughed about it later, though. B
ECCY: Oh mate. Cringe!
ALEX: Can you remember when you had your cherry popped?
BECCY: Yeah, it wasn’t that bloody long ago! I was 16, my ex-boyfriend was 17 and my parents were away on holiday. There was this big build-up, but when it finally happened it was just really straightforward and not earth-moving at all. It was in bed, lights out and that’s about it. But after that we did it all the time – I was pretty keen to try out new positions and all the ones I used to spot in girly magazines like More! My ex used to say he had unleashed a demon. I was like a Pringle, once I popped I couldn’t stop. I’d be dragging him here there and everywhere – behind the bins at school, in the toilets. I even hitched up my skirt once in the cinema and let him finger me while we were watching Kung Fu Panda. I still can’t remember the end of that film. How about you?
ALEX: OMG! I’ll never be able to watch Kung Fu Panda again. Well, my boyfriend and I hadn’t talked about it but knew it was coming. We were 17, I think, so I wanted to get on with it. I invited him around to mine and the terrible thing was my mum was having a church group meeting downstairs at the time as she’s a bible basher. All the confessionals in the world wouldn’t have made up for what we did that day – it was rampant. He went down on me, I sucked him off, then we started having sex. We did it him on top, me on top, from behind and even a spot of 69 action. That’s me going straight to hell.
BECCY: That’s wild. Were you not worried that they would hear?
ALEX: No, they were all too busy singing Kumbya and strumming their guitars.
ALEX: Have you ever done it anywhere wild? Apart from the toilets at school and watching cartoon films in the cinema, of course.
BECCY: Yeah, quite a few places. Did I ever tell you about how me and my boyfriend once drove to a picnic site to have sex and it turned out to be a dogging area? It was so cringeworthy! Luckily we were already done when some other cars pulled up and people got out. But that was pretty funny. No-one was around when we got there and my fella lifted me onto the bonnet, hitched my skirt up around my waist and went down on me in the middle of this open area. Then he stopped, flipped me over and started screwing me slowly from behind while he felt my breasts. My god – that car needed to be put through the wash after I’d creamed all over it.
ALEX: Oh, lovely!
BECCY: Have you ever had any hot lesbo experiences?
ALEX: Yeah, I have kissed quite a lot of girls. Normally it’s just for a giggle on student nights out at the union, but I did go further with one. It was in a hot-tub. Me and my fella were in it with a friend and her boyfriend and we were messing about and snogging. The lads were encouraging us to do more, so we got naked and felt each other up and stuff. Then we had sex with our boyfriends in front of each other. It was quite hot riding my man while watching my mate screw hers! The guys loved it.
ALEX: What are your thoughts on blowjobs?
BECCY: I hate them. I have to spit, I’m afraid.
ALEX: Really? I’m quite surprised by that… given what a dirty bitch I know you are. I like them. They turn me on and I enjoy it. I swallow and am happy for them to jizz all over me! I quite like it when they hover over you and you sort of f*** them with your mouth and then they pull out and spunk on your boobs. Once me and a boyfriend were messing around in my room and I gave him a blowjob. He went to squirt on my chest but managed to fire it all up the wall. The wall was purple and it stripped all the paint to lilac!
ALEX: How do you feel about some anal action?
BECCY: If he asks or begs then it’s an occasional treat, but I don’t enjoy it massively. What do you think?
ALEX: It’s okay as a treat, I agree. I mean, it’s just sex at the end of the day.