VICKY: Have you ever had a one-nighter? EMILY: Yeah, I’ve had a few to be honest. I think they can be really good – especially when you’ve had a few drinks. VICKY: Oh yes, I remember that lad from the other week. EMILY: I know. Sorry for keeping you up all night. We did it eight times! I couldn’t believe how much stamina he had. But the next morning I did look at him and thought, ‘What a minger!’ He was rank. Good shag though. VICKY: Yeah, it sounded like you had fun that night. I thought your bed was going to come through the wall at one point! I’ve only had a couple of one-nighters and generally the sex has been crap. I can’t just go out and shag anyone – I have to like them. EMILY: You need to get over that you boring cow!
EMILY: I really like being done doggystyle, don’t you, Vic? VICKY: Yeah, but I don’t like it if their knob is too big as it can hurt a bit. I like the guy to go on top. EMILY: I like going on top myself. It’s good to be in control. I was once having it doggy-style and the lad slipped out and it went up my bum. It absolutely killed! VICKY: Ouch! That sounds awful. Did he do it deliberately? EMILY: He said it was an accident but who knows? They always try their luck, don’t they?
VICKY: While we’re on the subject, what do you think of anal? EMILY: Not a massive fan, but I have done it a few times when I’ve been with a boyfriend. It can be quite good, but I prefer it the normal way. VICKY: I tried it once with this older guy I was seeing. We did it for a bit, but then it hurt too much so I got him to stop. EMILY: Did you use lube? VICKY: Yeah, he did all that. I just think his willy was too big. EMILY: Ouch!
EMILY: Do you like giving head? VICKY: Oh yeah. My ex-fella used to call me Dr Goodhead because I was so good at it! I think the key is to use your hand to w*nk him off and use your mouth at the same time. Sometimes I use lube as well. They never last very long. EMILY: Good skills! I might give that a try. I get bored giving head when it goes on for ages. VICKY: I’ll tell you a secret then. Once you’ve got them off they are dying to go down on you and do the same. EMILY: Result!
EMILY: What was your first time like? VICKY: You know what, it was really good. I used to go out with the local milkman and he popped my cherry! The sex was really good. He was a few years older than me and knew what he was doing. We did it at my mum’s while she was out. I was 16 and I’m really glad I did it with a guy I liked. EMILY: Mine was with a guy I met on a skiing holiday. I went back to his chalet and it took us ages to get undressed because of all the layers you have to wear. He was French and worked as an instructor. All I remember was he had a really big willy and stank of garlic, but it was good!
VICKY: When I went out with my first boyfriend we both lived at home so we were always at it outdoors. I had a horse at the time and we used to do it in the stable. He’d bend me over the trough where the horse had his food and do me from behind. And we did it in his car loads as well. EMILY: I’ve shagged in a few cars. You have to when you live with your mum and dad, don’t you? I once got told off by a farmer for doing it next to one of his fields. The lad had to hop in the driver’s seat and drive home with his pants round his ankles and a condom still on!
VICKY: I once got caught doing it by my mum. She burst into my bedroom with a load of washing and I was giving my man a blowjob. I nearly died of shame. Another time I was having a play with my vibrator and she came in. I pretended I was having a snooze but she could hear the Rampant Rabbit going under the duvet. EMILY: They do make a lot of noise, don’t they? I once got caught doing the same by my flatmate at uni. Now, when I’m off for a fiddle, I just tell her so she doesn’t do it again. My little sister walked in on me once, too. I was on top of my boyfriend and we were having sex. She totally freaked out!
EMILY: I only really like sleeping with men with big willies. VICKY: You must have a right bucket fanny then! EMILY: No, honestly. I have slept with men with small ones and they’re just rubbish. Now, if I get a guy in bed and it’s smaller than six inches I don’t bother. I put my hand on their willy when it’s hard and if it’s not bigger than my hand I make an excuse and leave! VICKY: God, you’re harsh! I agree though. I’m happy with average but a big one is nice too. You don’t want to be sitting on a cocktail sausage, do you?
VICKY: Is there anything you would like to do in bed? EMILY: Well, I’d quite like to shag Brad Pitt! Other than that, I’d really like to have sex on a train. I don’t know why but whenever I’m on one I always get really horny. I would love to meet a stranger and get it on in an empty carriage, then just get off at my stop like nothing had happened. VICKY: I’d really like to have a threesome with a guy and another girl. I fancy the idea of getting it on with another woman, but I’d like a man there as well to give me a good seeing-to once I’d finished with her! It would have to be with another couple, though. I wouldn’t want to share my man!