BALLS TO YOUR OLYMPIC LANES



Graffiti protest on London road

By ELLIS CAMPBELL

A VIGILANTE vandal mayhem has daubed a huge SPAM JAVELIN all over one of London’s controversial Olympic traffic lanes. And the mystery cock ’n’ balls artist even turned the Games’ iconic rings into a matted nest of PUBES!

The special Olympic lanes – which opened last Wednesday – have caused anger, outrage and confusion for queues and queues of commuters. And adding insult to injury any driver who tries using the VIP-only routes will face a stonking £130 fine. The lanes are designed to allow pampered athletes and dignitaries to zip round London like kids at a rollerskate park. But one miffed motorist has clearly decided to make his fury plain by painting the proud pecker on the tarmac under cover of darkness. Sadly, by yesterday morning the graffiti gland had been painted over by Olympic killjoys. No doubt the same scum responsible for making sure family bakers don’t sell doughnuts in case they are mistaken for Olympic rings ordered this outrageous organ cover-up.

Culprit

Sunday Sport’s mole on the Metropolitan Police said no investigation would be launched to find the culprit behind the love truncheon.

But he added: “If the bloke who did that is reading this, all I can say is be very careful. “Unofficially, I would say we sympathise and we thought it was bloody funny. But officially if we catch you, we’ll throw the book at you. “We’re under special law at the moment – Olympic law. If it weren’t for G4S being such a bunch of useless sods the Games organisers would have had us knocking on doors to find you.”

● DO you know who is responsible for the Olympic cock ’n’ balls? Call us now on 0161 358 0384

 

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