Dear Morgan,
I’VE just dropped myself in it bigstyle with my boyfriend. While we were making love I called out our new neighbour’s name by mistake!
It all started when me and my man were invited round to their place for drinks. I stumbled into the bathroom where my new neighbour was stood having a pee and I couldn’t help catching sight of his huge manhood.And far from being embarrassed he just carried on with a big silly grin on his face. But from that moment on I knew I just had to have it for myself. A couple of nights later I was lying in bed next to my snoring fella when I heard the couple next door shagging. And by the way she squealed with delight, he must have been pretty fantastic.
I was so turned-on as I imagined them at it that I played with myself as I pictured his big dick. A few days after that I saw my neighbour’s wife go out so on the pretext of running out of milk, I knocked on his back door. I caught him stripped to his shorts, ramming some clothes into a washing machine and I stared open-mouthed at him but he just smiled and moved towards me, obviously guessing why I was really there.
Then he kissed me deeply and passionately. I don’t know what came over me but I sank to my revealing his huge cock in all its glory. He picked me up and carried me upstairs where he laid me across their kingsize bed.
Then he gently eased me out of my clothes and lay the opposite way to me so I could continue giving him a gobble while he lapped at my aching pussy with his hot, darting tongue.
After 10 minutes or so of teasing foreplay I was desperate for him to give me a good, hard f***ing. So I turned him on his back and clambered astride his powerful tool. I lowered myself, bit by bit, until it was all inside me and rode him until an almighty climax rippled through the pair of us.
Now I can’t get him out of my head. And when I had sex with my fella recently I called the other guy’s name out and now my boyfriend is demanding an explanation.
What do I tell him?
MM, Herts
Morgan says: IF you want your relationship to survive you must forget your neighbour. Put it down to a one-off mistake and move on with your life. Either that, or keep your mouth shut when you’re on the nest!
Dear Morgan,
OUR darts club loved your recent Agony letter about the fella who tried to land his spunk on the bullseye, but could only dribble it down his leg.
It’s been the main topic of conversation in our local and some of the barmaids took a keen interest too. One of them reckoned it was the wrong technique – to be f***ing and then pull out to shoot. She said it would be better for the fella to be standing on the oche with a stiffy while a lady w*nked him off.
And just as he was about to spurt, she would give him an extra hard yank. The lady said it had to be a woman doing the w*nking though, because a bloke wouldn’t get as excited pulling himself off.
So I offered her £20 for “game”. She’s a bit of a slapper anyway and far from being insulted she leapt at the chance. One evening after the pub closed I found myself with my pants down and the barmaid tossing me off. After a while, I told her I was about to climax and she yanked the old fella and out shot my man-fat.
Although it didn’t go anywhere near the dartboard it was really great fun. I reckon this could be a new pub sport. What do you think?
TW, Dorset
Morgan says: IF you find a fella who can fetch on the dartboard get in touch!
Dear Morgan,
THE wife was sitting on my face the other day as I gave her oral and she tasted awful.
She’s usually quite delicious down there. I asked her what she’d been scoffing and she said she was on a new diet where all she eats is eggs. Do you think that would explain the pong?
HW, Lancs
Morgan says: I BET her farts stink!
Dear Morgan,
I’M a butcher with a shop in a precinct and there is a fish shop two doors down.
I have a deal with the fishmonger where I give him some meat each week and he gives me some fish in return. But I have another juicy deal he doesn’t know about and it involves his stunning 22-year-old daughter. Despite being in my 40s, I’ve been shagging her for about six months.
I often go round after I’ve shut up shop and as her dad leaves well before I finish, we have a bit of sport. She loves sucking my cock – or conger eel as she calls it – and loves me to come all over her face. Another favourite of hers is doing it doggy-style. She drops her knickers and then bends over a desk in the back office and demands I give her a hard seeing-to.
She loves the feel of my large sausage in her fish dock and I’ve brought her to many a noisy climax. I often think how my missus would murder me if she found out and I know that this girl’s dad would slice off my meat and two veg if he caught me boning his lovely daughter.
Do you think I should stop it now?
CV, Merseyside
Morgan says: YOU’VE had your fun, so take your sausage home and keep it for your wife – before somone chops it off!
Dear Morgan,
I RECENTLY I moved to a village and joined the local cricket team.
The teas are made by two very sexy sisters in their early 40s. After the first match, when all the lads had cleared off to the pub, the elder one grabbed my hand and shoved it up her T-shirt and I copped a good feel of her bouncing 34DDs. Her sister then came behind me and thrust her hand down my trousers, gripping my cock. Before long we were all in the changing room shower, covering each other in soap and f***ing.
I licked and sucked on their breasts and fondled their dripping fannies then I lined them up over the benches and shafted them. When I boasted about my sexploits to the cricket team lads they told me the women have shagged all of the village footie and rugby teams too.
Am I a laughing stock?
RC, North Yorks