Beat Ukraine and I’ll get stuffed!

ENGLAND did brilliantly well to come back against Sweden on Friday night. Passion is what it’s all about and it was there in f***in spades from both the team and the fans.

The supporters were hugely outnumbered in Kiev and yet all you could hear were the England fans. I f***ing love that! It was brilliant to see even the subs celebrating and giving the fans something to get excited about.

We should definitely qualify now – especially as we’ll have Rooney back for the Ukraine game on Tuesday. Beat Ukraine, lads, and I’ll eat my weight in their national dish – chicken kievs!


Roy Hodgson probably shat himself when them two goals went in against us at the start of the second half – I know I almost f***ing did! But Danny Welbeck’s playing like a man on fire, and keeper Joe Hart did well at the end to soak up the pressure, although he maybe needs to speak up a bit more to his defenders.

In the Match of the Day studio Lee Dixon was saying the same, remembering how David Seaman used to growl “out” every now and then to his back four. Dave probably wishes he’d said “out” to me once, too – at his wedding!

It was at a big, posh hotel and he must have spent £10,000 on the buffet alone. There were more lobsters, prawns and fancy cakes than

THE new Olympic Stadium that looks like the Teletubbies set is just plain daft! Apparently they’re going to cover it in grass and REAL animals to make it look like the British countryside for the launch. And the worst thing is that those animals probably stand more chance of winning a medal than our athletes!

The good Roos is – Wayne’s just like I was

I SEE Wayne Rooney says he’s flown out to Poland early to keep his teammates’ spirits high. Come on Wayne, are you sure it’s not just because Coleen’s kicked you out after a massive row? Seriously though, it’s great to see him taking responsibility for entertaining his chums while he’s suspended – because it’s exactly what I used to do! I’ve done all sorts to put a smile on the lads’ faces. It’s like Jamie Redknapp says, at Euro ’96 they had to take it in turns to spend an hour with us because I was too much for them to take. I remember at Italia ’90, I took Trevor Steven out on a pedalo for three hours. By the time we finished, we had thighs bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s! Wayne’s like me – he’s grown up playing football in the street with his mates and he’s in love with the game, so he has to be there. But he doesn’t have to do anything to make the lads laugh because his new hairstyle will take care of that – it’s f***ing brilliant. If he carries on, Lady Gaga will end up suing him for copying her! I’ve dyed my hair red to match my Ferrari, had it blonde, black and even crimped. I even had extensions, but had to cut them off because it was taking two hours to dry my hair! Wayne looks the part, but I hope he looks even better when he’s finally back from suspension.

IT was nice of Glenn Hoddle to admit in the Mail on Sunday that not taking me to the World Cup in ’98 was the “saddest” decision of his career. He says I wasn’t fit – probably after seeing the photo of me in a kebab shop in Soho at 4am just before the tournament. But I’d been out with Chris Evans that night and I was sober! Now I’m not naming names, but there were six other England players there that night, all more pissed than me, but they weren’t pictured in the paper. I’ve spoken to Glenn since and told him I don’t carry any resentment. I remember when he told me he’d found God – I said, “F***ing hell, that must’ve been some pass!”

Harry’s nicest bloke, bar me

I CAN’T believe Tottenham – one of my old clubs – have let Harry Redknapp go! When Harry took over at Spurs they were an average side. Now they’re playing football that’s up there with the likes of Barcelona, Arsenal and Man Utd. But I’m not surprised Daniel Levy hasn’t given him what he deserves. I get invited to a different club every weekend, but if I want to go in the Gary Mabbutt Lounge at Spurs, Levy makes me buy a ticket!


Harry lives near me, so I’ve met him a few times. One time, I bumped into him and his wife in an Italian restaurant and he offered to buy me a drink, but he only asked me because he knew I was off the booze. If I was still drinking it would’ve cost him about £20,000! I’m not sure what Harry’s next move will be. Before Di Matteo was given the Chelsea job I’d have said there – but I wouldn’t be surprised to see David Moyes replace him at Spurs.

Harry’s a top manager though, so I hope he gets what he deserves – and he’s one of the nicest blokes around (apart from me of course!).

SO far the footie at Euro 2012 has been f***ing unbelievable! I thought Spain were going to walk it, but it looks like anybody can beat anybody. I’ve been really impressed with Russia and Germany, who have looked strong as well, but I reckon Croatia are going to be the surprise package. They could do what Greece did in 2004 and go all the way. England have lost Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry and Gary Cahill to injury, but the biggest disappointment has to be Ray Clemence snapping his Achilles tendon. I always told him he couldn’t strike a ball properly!

I FELT for George Michael when I saw that he’d had problems with a zebra at his latest video shoot. I’ve had plenty on run-ins with all sorts of different animals over the years. When I was at Spurs, the lads asked me to do something funny one day, so I nipped off to a wildlife park in Hertfordshire and knocked on the door. I told the owner, “Do us a favour mate, lend us an ostrich for an hour.” And he did! I put one of my number eight shirts on it and the lads loved it – the ostrich was brilliant! They all went home at 1pm but I didn’t get back until 5.30pm. Have you ever tried to catch an ostrich? Trust me, it’s hard because they are FAST!




Share on Tumblr
Custom Single Post Templates Manager via Themes Town