In The Know with Mike Starr

 

SOMETHING’S ripening down Kidderminster way and, for once, it ain’t GOONHILLY LARSON’S underpants! No, I’m told that things are looking sweet for NATTERJACK CAUSEWAY chanteuse DOLLY SPRAIN and THE HOOGLES hunk DANNY LIVERISH! The pair met at the WORCESTERSHIRE BOILING FAIR and I’m told that Danny’s, er, problems (or his tag) are trifles the loved-up couple are “looking forward to overcoming”.

COULD it be the first new release in 10 years from former THAT STINGS frontman GARRY COSSETS? Garry, ex of nineties gallegend RIPPY HIGHMAN, has been in the studio with the legendary producer LEMMY COHEN-AZIZ after starting writing again following some inspiration from DUNTY JOOP!There’s a hill to climb, though. Spies tell me the sounds coming from the studio resemble “an over-tired toddler with colic annoying his hungover lush-mum”!

FILMING has finally started on JULIAN FFYSTE’S new movie THE GEOGRAPHY MASTER, I’m reliably informed. The film’s been put on hold because Julian’s real-life former geography master DEREK TALON threatened to take legal action when he heard about the “apple bobbing” scene. Now the lawyers have found a way through – and meanwhile THE POLICE are taking an interest in what went on at ST JOSIAH’S MIDDLE SCHOOL in the mid-eighties!

BIG problems for folkster DIRTY CREVICE who has got himself double-booked next weekend!Dirty – real name TARQUIN MALFEASANCE – is due to play at the MIDDLEWICH TIDDLE FESTIVAL at 2pm. But he’s due in Crewe at 4pm for tea with his AUNTIE JOAN!After a one-hour set, that leaves him just 60 short minutes to get to Joan’s…and you know what the buses are like on a Saturday!

SOCIALIST singer NERFY RULE could be in big trouble – with the UNITED NATIONS! Nerfy, whose “man of the people” credentials are second to none (he even buys his own milk), is the UN’s special ambassador for little crying orphans. But who was found by a BOING! TV NEWS SPECIAL team stitching t-shirts for Nerfy’s SMASH THE OLIGRARCHS tour? Little orphans, that’s who! And how those tots were sobbing!

 

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