HI HO HI HO, IT’S OFF TO WAR WE GO!



By SIMON DEAN

A MALEVOLENT midget has threatened one of the world’s biggest movie studios after a new Snow White film was made – without real dwarfs!

Outrage greeted the release of film Snow White and the Huntsman as normal-sized actors were used to play dwarfs. Computer wizardry was employed to make actors such as Bob Hoskins and Ian McShane smaller so they could play Snow White’s diminutive pals. Dwarf actors in Hollywood are threatening to protest against the film – which stars Charlize Theron – with a “100 midget march”.

But firebrand pipsqueak Alfie Pinkerton, leader of the hardline Dwarf National Party, has gone further. The tiny tyrant – who calls normal-sized people ‘biggers’ – ranted: “Dwarfs may have a low centre of gravity but they can only be pushed so far and this is the tipping point.

“The idea of employing biggers to play dwarfs is a provocation too far. It just shows that biggers think they rule the roost. “There will be brutal and substantial revenge for this outrage. Biggers may have started this inferno but dwarfkind shall warm itself in its terrible heat.” Matt McCarthy – a 4ft 1in dwarf who heads little theatre group Beacher’s Madhouse, fired off a letter to Universal chairman Adam Fogelson, saying: “In protest at this incredible injustice, we are co-ordinating a 100-midget march to the Universal’s offices.” And The Little People of America said the entertainment industry should be actively casting little people.

 

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