In The Know with Mike Starr

WHO is to replace TISHY PHELPS as third-harmonicaist in the all-girl folk-skiffle outfit OUR LITTLE SECRET? I’m told that it will be none other than SALLY HARRAP, which will cause some…er…friction with the other Secreteers, no doubt. Because Sally is the niece of Little Secret’s all-powerful manager, UNCLE GEOFF – formerly drummer with THE REGISTER. It’s not what you know, it seems…or is it?

THERE was a huge turnout at BANNY CRAFF’s summer fete last weekend – and not all the guests were happy! Seems Banny, head honcho at the iconic WHISPERED THREAT record label, served jelly and ice cream for afters – when normally it’s a huge pavlova – in honour of his first signing, RASPBERRY MERINGUE. Why the break with tradition, which infuriated Raspberry frontman CLINT STOOLS? Seems Banny could be “cutting costs” – if my friend at the INSOLVENCY SERVICE has heard right.

PSYCHO-pop veterans GODLEY SPRULE will be headlining this year’s DUNBARFEST – but minus NITTY PRENDERGAST! The word is that Nitters is taking a break from the Sprules on account of him working on the score for a joint Angolan-Albanian movie about controversial statesman IDI AMIN. Let’s hope the film is a bit more successful than the last movie project Nitters was involved in – a 12-hour experimental flick about toenail surgery.

THE new series of BODILY FUNCTIONS is in the can… quite literally! Britain’s only colonic irrigation sitcom finished filming season six on Wednesday and celebrated with a “little party”. What happened next is unclear but it involved GARY TROOP – aka bum-rinser DOC SCOOP – repairing to the little boy’s room with the master tapes. I’m told “some” footage can be recovered.

WHAT do you get if you put HATTIE FULGE, BRENDA DOWNEY and SALLY PURKISS in a boat together? Hours and hours of unusable footage and lots of red faces at BOING! TV, that’s what. Boing! head of factual TIM JOSH reckoned he could recreate the success of THREE MEN AND A BOAT with a girl-band twist. All he got was a wrecked barge and some VERY angry BRITISH WATERWAYS employees!




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