“My fantasy is to bonk David Cameron!”

 

FAVE POSITION

JENNY: What is your speciality in the boudoir my dear?

LOUISE: Well, I’m glad you asked. My best position is reverse cowgirl. It makes sex far more interesting and fun. It is definitely the most energetic and least boring. Plus, blokes go doolally for it because they love watching my big bum rock back and forth on their willies. How about you?

JENNY: Reverse is okay but I get funny about him seeing my arse in all its glory. I prefer doing it doggy-style. It just feels better than any other position to me and I always have a much better time when I’m having a bonk in that fashion. I can’t come from penetration alone, I need to play with myself at the same time, so this works very well for me.

OLDER BLOKES

JENNY: Do you like going out with scrubby students or being wined and dined by older blokes? Or how about a lecturer?

LOUISE: God no! None of my lecturers are fit – they’re all really old and all seem to have horrible moustaches. The oldest guy I’ve slept with was 26 and he really good in bed. I do quite like guys who are older than me but I wouldn’t fancy getting into bed with anyone over 30 because guys that old want a serious relationship and I just love casual sex. I’m way too young to be tied to just one willy!

JENNY: The guy who teaches me French semantics is really fit. He’s about 30 and has a shaved head, stubble and a really good body. I haven’t even spoken to him but I admire him every time I’m in one of his lectures. I sit there and think about him asking me to stay behind after our tutorial, then bending me over his big desk, slipping my panties down and giving me one. Oh baby! If I get the chance I am definitely going to make a move – it’d be rude not to!

OUTDOOR FUN

JENNY: Have you ever had sex in any strange places?

LOUISE: I had sex on a beach last year when I was on holiday in Greece. I had a holiday fling with a guy I met at a party. We got drunk one evening and ended up doing it on a deserted part of the beach. It wasn’t very nice – the sand got everywhere. It’s put me off ever doing it on a beach again. How about you?

JENNY: I had sex outside for the first time last year too. It was in a swimming pool when I was on holiday with my boyfriend in Spain. It was a nice sunny day and we had our own pool and got carried away. It felt really naughty doing it outside and the sex was brilliant. I’d love to do it again. It was like that scene in Showgirls where he’s holding her by the waist and ramming himself into her and they’re thrashing around all over the place with her boobs bouncing up and down. It wasn’t subtle at all. The worst part was that any of the neighbours could easily have seen. But we’d been drinking cocktails by the pool all day and didn’t care.

ONE-NIGHT STANDS

JENNY: Have you had many one-nighters since being at uni?

LOUISE: I’ve had a few, yeah. Not loads though. I’ve shagged guys I’ve just met but I’m pretty good in bed so I always get called back and then it turns into more of a fling than a one-night affair. I try to keep it casual and let them know I’m not looking for a relationship as I don’t want to be tied down. Correction: I love being tied down but not in that way! How about you sugar pie?

JENNY: I think one-nighters are pretty gross – you don’t know where the lad has been. I can see why they might be fun because you’d never have to see the guy again, but not my cuppa tea.

FAKING IT

JENNY: Would you ever fake an orgasm for any reason?

LOUISE: Possibly. I have done a couple of times, either because it just wasn’t going to happen and I didn’t want to hurt them or because I realised after I saw them naked or saw their cock that it was a dire state of affairs and I wanted it over ASAP. How about you?

JENNY: Yeah, I have. It’s the only way to make the guy feel good about himself when you haven’t had one for real. It’s just far too mean to tell them you didn’t have one – they’d be suicidal. I’d be mortified if I shagged a bloke and he didn’t come. Argh, cringe! I’d worry I had a wizard’s sleeve.

LOUISE: I agree. Sometimes sex can get a bit boring and you don’t want to hurt the guy’s pride by making it clear they didn’t give you an orgasm. It’s just easier to fake it.

WILLY SIZE

JENNY: So here’s the big one – fingers crossed. Does cock size matter, or is it his moves that count?

LOUISE: It’s not the size of the boat it is the motion of the ocean, or whatever that saying is. Willy size does not always matter if the guy knows what he’s doing with what he’s got.

JENNY: One of my ex-boyfriends had a seven-and-a-half incher and that’s the biggest one I’ve had. He was great in bed, probably the best I have had, and that was mainly down to the size – so it can make a bit of a difference.

LOUISE: Well, I suppose it’s a bit of both. You’ve got a better chance of good sex if the guy has a big dick. One of my exes had an eight-incher and he was amazing in bed, all down to the size because he wasn’t exactly imaginative. Size isn’t everything though, I’d still go out with a guy who had a small one if I really liked him.

BUM FUN

JENNY: Have you had it in the back door?

LOUISE: Bum sex is gross. It doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest. I’m never going to do it because I just can’t imagine it being in the slightest bit pleasurable.

JENNY: It doesn’t appeal to me either – it just has to hurt. A couple of my friends have done it and they both said that it was absolutely awful and painful. Their verdict was enough to put me off for life.

FANTASIES

JENNY: Do you fantasise about things?

LOUISE: Hell yeah! My fantasy is to get to dominate a really fit guy. It’d be different to take full control and make the guy do exactly what I wanted him to. I’d be bossing him around and telling him to go down on me and do this and do that. It would be heaven!

JENNY: My fantasy is just to have sex with David Cameron. I think he’s so fit! He would do me in his big office with me straddling him. Is that odd? I’m not bothered where – anywhere would do!

OH NO!

JENNY: Have you had any cringeworthy moments during sex?

LOUISE: My worst was when my mate told me she’d seen me having sex with my boyfriend. We’d been sharing a room and I thought she was asleep. She told me the next day and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. We got over it, though. How about you?

JENNY: My ex’s little brother walked in on us having sex last year. We were both naked on the bed and screamed at him to get out but he just told us he’d watch through the keyhole instead! You should always lock the door if you are not in the house on your own.

 

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