By SIMON DEAN
IT’S a MIRACLE parish priest the Rev Tony Atkinson is still alive…after he crashed his car into a tree while watching the notorious Tulisa sex tape on his mobile phone.
The Rev Atkinson, 52, suffered two broken legs, two broken arms, a fractured skull, a shattered spine and even a lacerated PENIS in the smash. But the vicar thanks the Lord he is alive at all after the accident, which left his treasured Ford Fiesta a mangled wreck. It remains to be seen if his parishioners in the sleepy hamlet of Detroit, Wilts, will keep faith in their parson – after it emerged he was indulging in the deadly sin of LUST when he totalled his motor.
Speaking with some difficulty at North Central Wiltshire Hospital, where he is recovering after Thursday’s smash, the Rev Atkinson said: “A friend had sent me a clip of the so-called Tulisa sex tape and as I was motoring along a straight bit of road I decided to watch it.
“I must confess, the contents were rather fruity and, like Onan in the Bible, I was close to spilling my seed on the ground…or the footwell of my Fiesta. “Then there was an almighty smash and the next thing I know, I’m in agony in hospital. “I’m reminded of the Parable of the Poor Man With the Ass…hold on, was that the Bible? Sorry, these painkillers are rather strong.”
A police spokesman confirmed that the Rev Atkinson “had been spoken to about the incident” and inquiries were continuing. Last night Glenda Spruce of the Detroit Parochial Church Council said: “We’re disappointed with the vicar but accept his explanation it was a moment of madness.”
Meanwhile, Tulisa Contostavlos has tried to put the sex tape imbroglio behind her, last week hosting Radio1’s breakfast show alongside tiresome Chris Moyles. The 23-year-old was “devastated” at the release of the video – now subject to a court injunction banning its distribution.