THREESY DOES IT
HELEN: Have you had any, or many, one-off bonk-fests then, love?
ALISON: I can’t believe you’ve just asked me that because I actually had one last week, and it was the first time I’d ever done anything like that. It was with my flatmate – I won’t mention her name – and her boyfriend. We get on really well and we were all chilling out last weekend. We’d got in some supplies, like about five bottles of wine, so we were pretty pissed. We started talking about sex and then they started chatting about threesomes and asked if I’d had one. I said that I hadn’t, and to cut a long story short we ended up doing it as we’d all wanted to try it.
HELEN: No way! Did you actually have full-on sex with him? What did you do to her, did you do proper stuff?
ALISON: What’s ‘proper stuff ’? If you mean did I go down on her then, yes. It was strange but not in a bad way, I actually found it a bit of a turn-on. At the point that I was going down on her her boyfriend was having sex with me from behind. I was on all fours and he was doing me doggy style, and she reached her hand down and was playing with her clit, so it was pretty hard not to be turned on. We made sure we were all involved at all points. I really liked it, as a one-off. But I think what I liked the most was watching them f***. I had myself a little second orgasm because I started playing with myself as they were at it.
HELEN: OMG! You filthy mare. I stayed in and watched Take me Out last Saturday and went to bed early, I feel so boring!
ALISON: Have you ever had a really bad sexual experience?
HELEN: Yes, I bloody well have! God, even thinking about it makes me cringe. About six months ago I was going out with a really fit guy who is on my course. He’d taken me on a few dates, and on the final one I decided to take things further and asked him to come back to my house. I was looking forward to a night of hot passionate sex but unfortunately we didn’t get that far – as soon as I touched his willy he came! I was mortified, and so was he. It was easily one of the most embarrassing things to ever happen to me in the bedroom. He was so embarrassed, too, which made it worse. He’s barely spoken to me since and we also catch each other’s eye and feel really awkward during lectures, although seminars are even worse as he sits right across the table from me. Cringe-fest! Have you had any embarrassing episodes you want to share with the class?
ALISON: Oh yeah. My most embarrassing moment was when my mum walked in and caught me in the act when I was 17 years old. I was having sex with my boyfriend when she walked in without knocking first. She looked gobsmacked but left as quickly as she arrived. I was devastated but thankfully she never mentioned it to me again. My boyfriend just thought it was funny.
ALISON: Have you ever used the back entrance?
HELEN: I’ve only tried bum sex once and I didn’t like it one bit. The only good thing about it is you feel quite dirty when you’re doing it.
ALISON: The idea just doesn’t appeal to me at all.
THAT’S HOW TO DO IT
HELEN: So come on then, girl, what position gets you creaming all over the place?
ALISON: What doesn’t? I’m like a woman on heat permanently. I like the wheelbarrow position. It’s fantastic – it feels great and you also get that extra bit of exercise when you start moving around the room. You?
HELEN: I quite like the wheelbarrow, too, but my favourite position is me on top of the guy. It puts me in complete control of him. I like getting into a good rhythm and you can position it so that when you rock forward it stimulates your clit a bit, it sends shivers up my spine. I also like it when he sticks a finger up my ass. Don’t judge me.
AIR WE GO
ALISON: Have you had sex outside or are you a bed-only girl?
HELEN: I’ve had sex outside a few times.
ALISON: Why am I not surprised.
HELEN: Cheeky mare! Highlights were doing it in a barn, on the back seat of a car and also in a back alley outside a nightclub. My favourite was in the barn. I’d been out for a walk with my boyfriend when we noticed it, sneaked in and did it in the hay. It felt really naughty and exciting, although the hay was scratchy.
ALISON: I’ve done it on the back seat of a car, too. Arr, we’re bonk buddies! I like doing it in a car, it feels so illicit and dirty. I also had sex in the university library when I was in my first year. You can get into the library with your swipe card and my boyfriend and I took full advantage of that on our way home from the pub. We nipped in between two bookshelves and had a quickie. It felt dangerous. Trouble was, we had to spend about ten minutes picking up books that we’d knocked over afterwards.
ALISON: Do you like getting kinky gear on for sex?
HELEN: Hell yeah! Dressing up for sex always spices things up and makes things fun. I’ve tried all sorts – corsets, suspenders and I once even pulled a whip out and spanked my ex! I love spanking guys as I have a thing about men’s bottoms and I love the little bottom ripple you get after you’ve just slapped it. I love being spanked myself as well. Totally gets me going as I feel like a naughty little bi-atch. You always get a great reaction when you make the effort to look really seductive and sexy, and the foreplay tends to last for ages. Once, I put on a corset and suspenders and the lad I was seeing at the time came in his pants!
ALISON: I’ve never tried dressing up. I find that getting naked straight away is the best strategy, then there’s no hanging around. I’ve been thinking about buying a French Maid outfit and putting it on for my boyfriend on his next birthday, though.
HELEN: Do it, girl, you’ll love it!
ALISON: Do you have any toys? And I’m not talking Barbie dolls sweet-cheeks
HELEN: I bought a vibrator last year because I was feeling unsatisfied. It was a Rampant Rabbit. I asked my fella to use it on me during foreplay. I couldn’t believe how good it was, it gave me an orgasm before I even got to have sex. Now I always want to use it and he gets really annoyed with me. That’s the problem, fellas feel like spare p***ks when you use them in their presence
ALISON: I’ve got a vibrating willy ring, and a vibrator I got from a pub toilet vending machine. I like them. They’ll go all night long if you want them to!