IN THE KNOW WITH MIKE STARR

 

I’M told HOGGIE STOOPS of JASPER is now attempting to take the band to OTTOCAN RECORDS after a “set to” with his current boss XERXES KINCH. Kinch, head honcho at Jasper’s current label, DROOL RECORDS, banned Hoggie and the lads from performing at MIDDLEWICH SAUSAGE FESTIVAL over concerns about the marquee. But, as all Jasper fans know, the fellas love their bangers, so unless a compromise is found, Kinch could find himself stuffed!

THE latest star to emerge from DUNBAR STAGE SCHOOL is already making waves – having landed a part in New Zealand leisure centre drama RESCUE RING. JENNY HOSSON graduated from the prestigious showbiz academy last Thursday but was snapped up when Kiwi producers spotted her mimicking a FARMFOODS commercial while watching it in the window of RADIO RENTALS in her native Haddington. The only problem is, Jenny had no idea New Zealand is on the other side of the world – she thinks it’s somewhere east of COWDENBEATH!

SPOOL-ROCK outfit THICK AS FOXSH*T have been banned from their local radio station in Tewkesbury after pulling a mean stunt on DJ VANCE PRICE. The Thikkies were being interviewed on Vance’s TWITCH FM show GOOD MORNING TEWKESBURY when they tapped out the words: “AL QAEDA ARE HERE” in Morse code on the desk. Of course, GCHQ is only a few miles down the road and I’m told that Vance got “a good kicking” from Special Branch cops during intensive “questioning”!

ELECTRO-FOLK foursome LITTLE SECRET got into a fix at the ever-popular PULHAM ST MARY BRING AND BUY thanks to a mix up involving their banjomaster CLINT GOOLIDGE. I can’t say too much, due to impending court proceedings, but Clint’s rehearsal of the band’s song MY DAUGHTER’S LITTLE B OX behind the ladies lavatories was misheard by some locals and a scuffle ensued. Thankfully, Clint’s still got some of his teeth left, but you can take it read that the lads won’t be revisiting South Norfolk any time soon!

THIS year’s BLACK MOUNTAINS GIN FESTIVAL looks like being a washout – even with Britain in the middle of a drought. The event, held every spring since 2007, normally attracts dozens of the country’s gin aficionados to the home of former STARTLED GOOSE drummer SILAS JESSH. But Silas’s back lawn has gone all soggy thanks to a burst soilpipe and now the festival looks in doubt – unless room can be found under the bridge.

 

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