GET IN! I know they say a gentleman never f***ing tells, right, and far be it for me to break that rule, cos, you know, I am a f***ing gentleman – but guess who I spent the night with on Thursday? Only Jodie f***ing Marsh!
She’s a proper woman, our Jodie, you know what I mean? Proper gorgeous. Like me, she’s even got a Jacko tatt on her arm. And she reckons I’m gorgeous too (and she’s not f***ing wrong there, either). Here, this is what she told her followers on Twitter Thursday night: “Got the gorgeous @FrankieCocozza at mine for the night. Now let’s hope I don’t get too hungry x x x x”
You might remember the two of us have been having a bit of flirty banter over the last few weeks after we met on Celebrity Big Brother. Well, let’s be honest here, I’VE been flirting and she’s been turning me down f***ing flat! She even went and told everyone that I couldn’t handle her in any case, and that she eats men for breakfast.
Well, all I can say is she’s definitely had ME for breakfast – two pieces of toast and a cup of coffee, since you ask. Cough. Anyway, she made f***ing sure people knew about it on Friday morning on Twitter: “@Frankie- Cocozza thanks for making the bed this morning. A true gent. U can come to stay again, have fun in Ireland #drinkguinness x x”
Like I say, a gentleman never tells – you read it here first!
MY SERIOUS MOMENT OF THE WEEK
ED Miliband’s office getting broken into in Westminster. They were probably looking for a personality but left empty handed.
AS you’re reading this over your Full English, I will hopefully be waking up having enjoyed a Full Irish! I was appearing at Xango nightclub in Castle Arch Hotel in County Meath on Saturday night and as I write this now, I’m f***ing telling you, I can’t f***ing wait. Everyone tells me that the Guinness tastes different over there so I can’t wait to find out for myself. Even if I am normally a bottled lager man (that’s a hint to anyone who wants to send me some freebies, right?)
FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE WEEK
GEORGE Clooney getting arrested at the Sudanese embassy in Washington DC. While he was getting nicked outside, you just know Brad Pitt and Matt Damon were inside cleaning out the safe!
MY COCK OF THE WEEK
THE dad of that murdering f***er Raoul Moat pretty much saying that poor copper who hanged himself was “unkind” to his son for once impounding his trailer. Unkind? You abandoned the c*** at birth, you hypocritical cock!
WEST Ham forever, you are my team. But I’m actually f***ing glad that Chelsea are still in the Champions League. Not because it’s made my Chelsea-supporting friends happy, though. Christ, f*** that. No, I’m just glad at least one English team is still in it.
THANKS to World Soldiers for the T-Shirts. F***ing love ‘em, I do!
DON’T YOU BELIEVE ALL THAT SH*TE
TELL you what, right, it’s a good f***ing job there’s my Sunday Sport column and my Twitter account. Otherwise there’d be all sorts of sh*t going around about me that people might start to believe. It started with all that crap about me wanting to be on The Bachelor, or that I’d even f***ing asked to be. Like I said last week, it’s complete BOLLOCKS! Now there’s stuff going around saying me and my boy Kirk Norcross have fallen out, or something. Er, NO we f***ing ain’t. Kirky took off for a holiday in Dubai and I’ve been working and stuff. And that’s it! He better bring me a f***ing present back, though! I SEE that bloke who made the Kony2012 video has been caught w*nking in the street. Think I’d do the same if I got 80 million hits on YouTube!