By SIMON DEAN
THE reason behind Muammar Gaddafi’s hysterical outbursts, mysterious sulks and irrational behaviour became clear last night…he was a WOMAN!
An autopsy on the former Libyan dictator – whose death was announced to the world last week – revealed that the despot had “fully developed” ladyparts.
A CIA report on the post mortem – forwarded to Britain’s secret service, MI6, and seen by Sunday Sport – also noted “surprisingly nice breasts”.
News that Gaddafi was secretly a woman throughout his 41 years as hard-line leader of the North African country has stunned the West. Insiders revealed last night that David Cameron went as white as a sheet when he learned the “man” he had helped depose was in fact of the feminine persuasion.
And a spokesman for Tony Blair said the former PM had “no idea at all” that Gaddafi had been a woman – although the pair EMBRACED several times during meetings.
Last night intelligence chiefs in Washington and London were trying to find out how operatives had not realised the tyrant – whose reign of terror came to an end after a six-month civil war in Libya — was a girl.
A source told Sunday Sport: “We have satellites which can read documents in a closed briefcase but we had no idea Muammar Gaddafi had a fanjo.
“Did none of our spies notice that every so often ‘he’ binged on chocolates, or nagged people to put shelves up, or burst into tears for no apparent reason?”
Libya expert Tariq Maqood said: “Gaddafi was a Bedouin child and the Bedouin are a people who prize sons above daughters.
“Gaddafi’s father had already produced six daughters by the time young Muammar came along. Another girl would have been a slight on the manliness of his seed – that is probably why the youngster was brought up as a man.”
Most embarrassed by the revelation of Gaddafi’s femininity is Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.
A source in Rome told Sunday Sport: “Signor Berlusconi cried out ‘Gaddafi was a woman? And I no-a do-a di rumpi pumpi wid-a her? Aieee! Disastro!’.”
THE SIGNS THAT WERE THERE ALL ALONG!
INTELLIGENCE analysts were last night trying to figure out how they MISSED the fact that Gaddafi was a woman, when the evidence was staring them in the face.
Spy chiefs have already highlighted five “killer facts” which should have alerted them to the truth that the bloodthirsty tyrant was in fact a tart:
1. His tent was spotlessly clean and tastefully decorated. This should have alerted intelligence agencies that Gaddafi was at least a homosexualist if not a full-blown woman.
2. The retinue of female bodyguards was taken as evidence that Gaddafi was a fanny-crazed shagabout. In fact, it now seems likely that the despot liked to talk about shoes, shopping and “useless men” with other girls.
3. Analysis of execution patterns during Gaddafi’s rule show that killings peaked once every four weeks – in line with the ruler’s so-called “rag week”
4. Secret footage taken of Gaddafi in 1985 showed the terrorists’ friend attempting to reverse-park a camel. The attempt descends into fiasco and Gaddafi was never seen on a camel in public again.
5. Despite being a strict Muslim, Gaddafi’s recycling bins were often found to contain empty bottles of vile slag syrup Lambrini, along with boxes of Milk Tray and packets of Veet hair removal wax.