GHOST OF JACKO BUMMED MY MONKEY



By SIMON DEAN

HE may have been dead almost four years – but Michael Jackson remains pop’s most controversial figure. And his reputation for the outlandish grew last night after an outraged pet owner revealed his MONKEY had been BUMMED by the GHOST of the late prancing paedophile.

Primate fan Brian Clowes, who along with wife Beryl keeps two macaques at his Crewe, Cheshire, home – said: “If I could get my hands on the ghost of Michael Jackson I’d wring its perverted otherworldly neck. “Unfortunately, due to the very nature of ghosts, that would be impossible.

But I’d certainly give it a ruddy good exorcism, or something.” Retired logistics manager Brian, 66, said he was woken on Monday evening by a ballyhoo from the converted garage where he keeps his monkeys – Elspeth and Silas.

He said: “We normally don’t get a peep out of them after dark but they were howling and screeching so I went downstairs to have a look. “In some ways, I wish I hadn’t. I opened the door to the garage and Silas was being bummed by what I can only describe as a sort of glowing, shadowy thing. It was obviously a ghost. “The spook looked at me and that’s when it hit me – it was Michael Jackson and it was making that bizarre ‘woo-hoo’ noise that Jacko used to make.

“Then it suddenly disappeared. It was the most disturbing thing I have ever seen but I imagine it was more troubling for Silas and his poor monkey bottom.” Brian, who admits he’d been drinking “a bit” on Monday night, said he came to Sunday Sport to warn other monkey owners their pets were at risk of non-consensual buggery by the ghost of Jacko. The attack on Silas would seem to confirm that e m o t i o n a l l y retarded sexual oddball Jackson had formed an “unnaturally close” relationship while alive with his own pet monkey, Bubbles.

Bumming monkeys is not the only escapade that Jacko’s ghost has been getting up to, it would appear. Earlier this month it was reported during the Jackson family’s ongoing £26bn damages claim trial that Lionel Richie’s ex-wife contacted Jacko’s spirit.

The ghost of the singer, who died in 2009, ‘told’ Brenda he “accidentally killed himself” The reports made no mention of any monkey bumming antics.

 

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