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MEET PANCAKE WOMAN!

THE old saying goes, “There’s no place like home”, and for 43-stone Glynis Green there really is – because she hasn’t been outside in SIX YEARS!

I FLED NAKED FROM ARSE-EATING SEX CANNIBALS!

PRETTY Jane Gorse has a warning for students planning a gap year before embarking on a university career – DON’T get your ARSE eaten by sex-crazed CANNIBALS!

BOG-BLOCKING HITLER GERBIL FLOODS VILLAGE

A racist rodent fan who flushed his dead gerbil down the toilet with full Nazi honours caused a sewer blockage which flooded an idyllic village.

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FIND CORNER SHOP SHITTER

When popping down the corner shop, making sure that you haven’t SHAT YOURSELF is highly recommended.

Kim doesn’t mince words HE MINCES HIS ENEMIES!

Evil Korean makes them into sausages

SUNBLOCK PRANK BRANDED ME A PAEDO!

A TERRIFIED holidaymaker fears a lynch mob beating after a sun cream prank left the word ‘Paedo’ on his sunburned forehead.

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